Wings flew from branch to branch, As she sniffed the cold-air of the Forest, As she made her way to the one tree, That worms were always under.Wings swooped down fiercley watching for worms.Suddenly,There was a sharp screach.That made Wings jump, And lose a feather! Wings looked down,Only to see a blinding light...The light blinded Wings...And her Predator....Then, Wings caught s glimpse of the predator.....It had black paws,A white muzzle,And orange ish fur,And a bushy tail..............Wings thought for a moment.It must be a fox! Wings thought.....Just that second,Wings saw it coming Back! Uh-oh! thought Wings, Panicing.Wings quickly forgot about her prey,And started flying up.About 45 minutes later,Wings got home.Her house was old,And run down.It was passed down threw genorations.Wings was a bit young to be living alone,With out her mom,But she didin't take no for an answer.Just as Wings had went into her house,She heard a loud Screach again.Just as she looked up, She saw............
Authors Note:Is this a little better than What I've been doing? Is it more realistic? -.-
By: Mia776 ;)
Sunday, July 1, 2012
8 comments:
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wow! but i loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove paws....soo cute....no affence but....misty got a little boring...only because it was the same thing at the same time.....NO OFFENCE MIA =C.and i like penguins step!seal paw i never saw....you just brought it up one day....and i love this blog....and theres no more story blogs to talk about...........
ReplyDelete-kara,who REALLY SUPERLY hopes that you don't get offended
I know Kara...Misty was my second Story Blog....And I was out of whack when i whrote Misty....I mean....The Beta Bunnie was fine....But when i made Misty...I Just....Got WAY to Overwhelmed -.- .I might re-open The Beta Bunnie....:D
ReplyDeleteP.S Thanks for the good Review on Bird Feather A.K.A This blog XDD
ReplyDeleteP.P.S What was i Gonna Say 0.0! XDDDD.OMG GLC(Good luck charlie) IS ON IN 6 MINUTES :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ReplyDelete@Kara
(Ima start doing that o3o)I hope your reading this Messege. AND ALL OF THE ABOVE XDD
i am here mia.im glad you didint.LOL "P.P.S" LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.i had a super good review on paws also.....LOL.
ReplyDelete-kara,who wants to switch to XD, soo badly... =P
Ok.What I actully think is funny is the: "LOLOLOLOLOL" thing XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to make the scene more "open" as in spacing things more out. But I have a suggestion for realistically:
ReplyDelete"Wings flew from branch to branch, As she sniffed the cold-air of the Forest, As she made her way to the one tree, That worms were always under."
My version:
"Wings flew from branch to branch, as she sniffed the cold air of the forest. As she made her to another tree that worms, almost always, were under."
I hope you don't get offended by this, but remember - Plot. You can't just make her almost get eaten and hop around a fly. You must make a plot for the story, for example, my story is gonna be about Wolves + Big cats fighting each other, and a war, following the main character who realizes near the end of the "book" that the war was useless and the big cats weren't that different from wolves. Just a suggestion
Good chapter, however.
Im not :)
ReplyDelete